{"id":3491,"date":"2019-03-23T15:05:03","date_gmt":"2019-03-23T19:05:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wordpress-900540-3180849.cloudwaysapps.com\/?p=1592"},"modified":"2019-03-23T15:05:03","modified_gmt":"2019-03-23T19:05:03","slug":"veterans-moms-tell-all-advice-for-moms-to-be","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thenurturingrootsa.com\/veterans-moms-tell-all-advice-for-moms-to-be\/","title":{"rendered":"Veterans Moms Tell All: Advice for Moms-to-Be"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In today&#8217;s information age, preparing for motherhood can sometimes be an overwhelming and daunting experience. It can be incredibly challenging to find\u00a0 unbiased information for many topics related to pregnancy, birth, infant care, and the postpartum period, and it seems like just when you think you have the answers you&#8217;re seeking, someone in your life contradicts it.<\/p>\n<p>In an effort to get real life advice from moms who have been there and done it, we took to our local Facebook group, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/BaltimoreBirthBabiesBreastfeeding\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Baltimore Birth, Babies &amp; Breastfeeding<\/a> and asked the following question:<\/p>\n<h2><strong>What is the most important piece of advice you could give to a person who is about to welcome their first baby?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>We got an outpouring of responses to share with you.\u00a0 Below you will find very honest, candid, and wise feedback about those early postpartum days from moms throughout Baltimore.\u00a0 If you&#8217;re looking for a place to ask your own questions related to the childbearing year,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/BaltimoreBirthBabiesBreastfeeding\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"> join us on Facebook!<\/a><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Trust your gut<\/em>&#8211; <a href=\"http:\/\/katylinda.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Katy Linda<\/a><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"_3l3x\"><em>Don&#8217;t be too proud to ask for help<\/em>.<\/span> Stephanie S.<\/li>\n<li><em>Beware of the mythical \u201cperfect mother.\u201d She\u2019s fraudulent. She\u2019ll make you think you aren\u2019t good enough. You are. I want her to know that irritation, resentment, and boredom are common but rarely spoken (because, \u201cperfect mothers\u201d don\u2019t feel these things). There is so much joy in blowouts, endless feedings, days without showering, and loss of autonomy. Oh, and I\u2019d want her to remember that we were intended to raise children in communities. With others. Who can help with a capital H<\/em>. <a class=\"_6qw4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.drsaranett.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" data-hovercard=\"\/ajax\/hovercard\/user.php?id=1076756754\">Sara Nett<\/a><\/li>\n<li><em>Try to do one kind thing for yourself each day, Mama<\/em>. <span class=\"_5mfr\"><span class=\"_6qdm\">\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.lilydwyerbeggyoga.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lily Dwyer Begg<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li><em>You\u2019re gonna be okay<\/em>. Melissa L.<\/li>\n<li><em>It\u2019s OK to be scared<\/em>. Christan M.<\/li>\n<li><em>Stay off of google<\/em>. Pace A.<\/li>\n<li><em>Use a <a href=\"https:\/\/wordpress-900540-3180849.cloudwaysapps.com\/services\/postpartum-doula-services\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">postpartum doula<\/a>.<\/em> Melissa K.<\/li>\n<li><em>Sometimes pediatricians give bad advice!!<\/em> Amanda W.<\/li>\n<li><em>Trust your instincts, only you know how to best parent your baby<\/em>. Haleigh F.<\/li>\n<li><em>Let people help. Call the after hours pediatrician. Hire a doula and\/or postpartum doula if you can. Call the nurses line. Invite trusted friends and family in. Let people clean. Let people buy your dinner. Tell your midwife or ob what still hurts. It doesn&#8217;t make you weak and it doesn&#8217;t make you a bad or worthless mother.<\/em> Trish B.<\/li>\n<li><em>Some days and nights may seem long, but enjoy the snuggles while you can! In a blink, they\u2019ll be a toddler!!<\/em> Kate<\/li>\n<li><em>Build a support network before baby arrives. Someone you can call who will just stay on the phone with you while you cry. Someone experienced who will talk you down when your baby has its first fever. Someone wise who can reassure you that what you\u2019re going through is normal and your feelings are valid. Someone single who can come watch the baby when you desperately need even half a freaking moment to yourself. It takes a village and in this day and age, we have to build that village for ourselves. Facebook isn\u2019t enough. Also, stay off Instagram.<\/em> Caitlyn D.<\/li>\n<li><em>Don&#8217;t be afraid to tell people they can&#8217;t come over.<\/em> Jessica M.<\/li>\n<li><em>Some days the anxiety around \u201care you doing the right thing\u201d will crush you and turn you into Dr. Google, but you\u2019re doing an amazing job and your baby is perfect.<\/em> Jeana D.<\/li>\n<li><em>Don\u2019t allow people to kiss your baby!<\/em> Amanda B.<\/li>\n<li><em>Get ready to jump in to what my sister and I like to call the &#8220;newborn hole&#8221; where you don&#8217;t know which way is up or the way out. Focus on survival, you&#8217;re learning how to keep a human alive and that&#8217;s enough. The hole can last up to 3 to 4 months and that&#8217;s okay, you&#8217;re doing great.<\/em> Alexis B.<\/li>\n<li><em>You don\u2019t have to \u201cenjoy\u201d every moment. They do grow up fast, but mothering a newborn can be grueling. Be gentle with yourself and your feelings<\/em>. Danielle S.<\/li>\n<li><em>Find a provider you trust and jive with.<\/em> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marylandbirthservices.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Becky R.<\/a><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"_3l3x\"><em>This is probably the hardest thing you\u2019ll ever do and you likely aren\u2019t doing it wrong, it just really is that hard. <\/em>Megan R.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"_3l3x\"><em>Having a mama tribe is so important. I wouldn\u2019t have gotten through my SAHM time without them. And if I could go back and do it all over, I\u2019d have done <a href=\"https:\/\/wordpress-900540-3180849.cloudwaysapps.com\/placenta-encapsulation\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">placenta encapsulation<\/a><\/em><\/span><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\"><em> all 3 times. Ah-mazing. <\/em>Colleen C.<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li><em>Don\u2019t be afraid to limit visitors the first couple of weeks to only those near and dear (or to those you know will give you the support you want and need). Prioritize the needs of your new family and getting into a rhythm, including the time it takes for you and baby to learn how to breastfeed, over saying yes to everyone that wants to call text or visit. It is ok to set some boundaries and say no if you need to. And on the flip side of that, splurge the money on a <a href=\"https:\/\/wordpress-900540-3180849.cloudwaysapps.com\/postpartum-doulas-support-baltimore-families\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">postpartum doula<\/a>. I didn\u2019t, but wish I did. Everything is a phase. And it gets easier.<\/em> Stephanie P<\/li>\n<li><em>Don\u2019t compare yourself or your baby to anyone else. You are doing the best you can do, one day at a time!<\/em> Meg R.<\/li>\n<li><em>It\u2019s OK\u00a0if it\u2019s not love at first sight! You aren\u2019t going to enjoy every minute and anyone who tells you to can step off. Everything with a baby is temporary- the good and the bad. Try to bask in the good and endure the bad. This too shall pass!<\/em> Becky K.<\/li>\n<li><em>Childbirth is &#8230;not necessarily the \u201cbest day of your life.\u201d Having a newborn and exclusively breastfeeding is hard and can be lonely and isolating. It\u2019s OK to feel that way about it and love your little one so much it hurts at the same time<\/em>. Rachel N.<\/li>\n<li><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\"><em>Ask for and accept help. Know you are not alone in your fear, pain, sadness, confusion, overwhelmed-ness. You gotta do whatever works for you, your baby, your family. Healthy, happy mama&#8230;healthy, happy baby. Pregnancy, delivery, postpartum&#8230;MOTHERHOOD is NOT one size fits all. Don\u2019t be hard on yourself if your experience isn\u2019t exactly what you thought it would be or what someone else\u2019s is.<\/em> <\/span><\/span>Nora B.<\/li>\n<li><em>Just because things are &#8220;natural&#8221; doesn&#8217;t mean they can&#8217;t be hard, or take work, and that&#8217;s okay. It took time to grow a person, it can take time to find your rhythm afterwards (for breastfeeding, sleep, pretty much everything) and that isn&#8217;t a personal failure.<\/em> Maureen B.<\/li>\n<li><em><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x _1n4g\">Trust your mama instincts, you often know what is best for your baby. If your parenting choices work for you and baby, then no one else\u2019s opinion matters. Mom shaming is sadly very real and can make you second guess yourself. Try not to let it. Instead embrace your parenting choices and trust that you are doing your very best and no one is a better mom to your baby than you. <\/span><\/span>Also be kind to yourself! You just created a true miracle. The miracle of life. Your body is strong and beautiful even if it never looks the same again. Remember to love yourself too even when it\u2019s hard and you don\u2019t recognize yourself in the mirror. You deserve love too, you are a miracle maker after all.<\/em> Katelynn A.<\/li>\n<li><em>Do not have any expectations of yourself for the first six months. Just be with your baby and heal.<\/em> Esther B.<\/li>\n<li><em>Be patient with yourself allow yourself time to heal. You and your baby are both learning each other. Give yourself time and love adjusting to your new roles.<\/em> Megan P.<\/li>\n<li><em>Stop reading the books and start reading the baby.<\/em> Tova B.<\/li>\n<li><em>Make sure you have all the support you need and know that you have people around you all the time. Make sure you have supplies and make sure to be there for that little one because as soon as they are born you are their go-to person.<\/em> Anonymous<\/li>\n<li><em>If they are planning to breastfeed- it might end up being really painful and really difficult. If it is, reach out to a good lactation consultant because this means something\u2019s not going the way it should be. Some hospital lactation consultants aren\u2019t good unfortunately. If you want to get everything figured out and continue on your nursing journey, a good IBCLC is your best friend! And you can get it figured out if you want to. But no matter what, know that you have to decide to do what is right for you, be it nursing, pumping, switching to formula. You have to feel good about your decision, whatever it may be. If you feel good about it, then it\u2019s the right decision.<\/em> Caitlin S.<\/li>\n<li><em><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x _1n4g\">Don\u2019t worry about \u201cbad habits\u201d. I wish I could get back the time when I was on maternity leave with my first that I spent desperately trying to put him down drowsy but awake because everyone said i was supposed to. I stressed so much because he wouldn\u2019t sleep on his own without being held because of the so called \u201cbad habit\u201d I was creating. And I\u2019ve done that with so many things since. Now I try to live by the motto \u201cdo what works until it doesn\u2019t work\u201d. Especially in infancy, children change so fast that the \u201cbad habit\u201d you are pandering to today will look totally different tomorrow. If I could do it all again I would just make sure the remote was in reach and hold that baby all day long!<\/span><\/span><\/em>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/chocolateismylife-us.blogspot.com\/?m=1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Alyssa L.<\/a><\/li>\n<li><em>Don&#8217;t be afraid to say exactly what you need&#8230;whether it be to your partner, family, friends&#8230;whoever. This is a struggle for me but I&#8217;m trying to be better about it. And if you&#8217;re going to <a href=\"https:\/\/wordpress-900540-3180849.cloudwaysapps.com\/breastfeeding\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">breastfeed<\/a>, definitely meet with a lactation consultant&#8230;best thing I ever did.<\/em> Catrina M.<\/li>\n<li><em>Always, always follow you gut instinct! If you have a feeling something isn\u2019t right, don\u2019t ignore that feeling. There are specialists out there for a reason. Also, sleep when baby sleeps. Seriously!<\/em> Jenna S.<\/li>\n<li><em>My friend\u2019s dad\u2019s advice was that everyone else\u2019s advice is wrong. Two years later, true that.<\/em> Kate S.<\/li>\n<li><em>It\u2019s OK to cry. A lot.<\/em> Anna R.<\/li>\n<li><em>You know what\u2019s best for your baby and you have a community of mamas who will support you-many of whom you don\u2019t know, but <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/BaltimoreBirthBabiesBreastfeeding\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">we are here.<\/a><\/em> Clare G.<\/li>\n<li><em>1. Things will get better. 2. Be honest with your partner about what you are going through. Don\u2019t try to hide your fears or tears.<\/em> Jenna W.<\/li>\n<li><em>Don\u2019t be ashamed to ask for help, even if it\u2019s venting to a friend\/loved one. You\u2019ll love this little human more than anyone could ever explain, but the newborn phase is just as much frustrating and unnerving as it is beautiful and exciting.<\/em> <em>Also, sleep when baby does. It took until #2 until I no longer felt less than about this. <\/em>Brittany S.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"_3l3x\"><em>Everything is temporary- it doesn&#8217;t feel that way but it is! Fussiness, non sleep, pain &#8211; as much as it sucks at 2am. that your baby still w<\/em><\/span>o<em>nt sleep, just get through that moment and it will be over soon. <\/em><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\">Sarah R.<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li><em><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\">It&#8217;s okay to not be in love with your new role. April B.<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Caring for a newborn is really hard. Hard doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re doing it wrong though. It\u2019s just hard. But it gets easier.<\/em> Heidi D.<\/li>\n<li><em>Trust your instincts, if you feel like letting your baby cry themselves to sleep is wrong, or that people who say you hold your baby too much are wrong, or people make you feel bad for using formula or nursing on demand without a schedule&#8230;. Everyone has an opinion. None of them matter but yours. Drown them out.<\/em> Danylle S.<\/li>\n<li><em>Ask a friend to set up a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mealtrain.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">MealTrain<\/a> for you so that you have nourishing meals and don\u2019t have to think about meal prep do you or your partner in those first weeks.<\/em> Claire C.<\/li>\n<li><em>Your relationship with your partner is going to be different, and sometimes you might resent them because you are giving so much of yourself, but IT GETS EASIER.<\/em> Jeana D.<\/li>\n<li><em>Sometimes the bonding is not immediate. Of course you love your new baby, but you may not experience it like you see on Facebook or in the movies. <\/em><em>Also, everyone has a different experience. Some people are very lucky and some experience many complications that may break you down. <\/em><em>Be your own advocate if you think something is wrong. Doctors, although often wonderful, do not know everything and you are not their only patient. Don\u2019t give up and trust your gut. <\/em><em>You can\u2019t control your body during or after pregnancy and you may not be able to control your anxiety. Just keep reminding yourself that this is temporary and any medical or emotional issues can be fixed in time. <\/em><em>It is not one size fits all. <\/em><em>Your child will love you. <\/em><em>Be a germaphobe. <\/em><em>Focus on getting healthy emotionally and physically so you can be your best version of motherhood. <\/em><em>We are all fortunate to have made it through with a healthy child.<\/em> Melissa O.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/birthbootcamp.com\/5-steps-to-mentally-prepare-for-birth\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">It\u2019s all about the mind!<\/a> P<span class=\"_3l3w\">repare Your Mind. <a href=\"https:\/\/mybirthcompanion.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Odile P.<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"_3l3x\">The lactation consultant is everything! I had no idea what I was doing and her reassurance and advice helped me continue breastfeeding. <\/span>Becca W.<\/li>\n<li><em>Have confidence in your instincts! You may feel like you have no idea what you&#8217;re doing but they are always guiding you if you will only listen.<\/em> Autumn B.<\/li>\n<li><em>Take advise and help once the baby arrives. You cant do it all on your own. And use that help to have time and space for the new mom to recover and do self care.<\/em> Janine D.<\/li>\n<li><em>You will get tons of advice and expert opinions but ultimately your mama instinct can be the best for your baby.<\/em> Sonya L.<\/li>\n<li><em>Hold that baby!! Don\u2019t worry about the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry&#8230; eat up every precious minute and second you can!! Rest with them and don\u2019t stress. Don\u2019t ever be afraid to ask for help!! And don\u2019t feel guilty for saying yes when someone offers! Let them bring you food, do a grocery run, put a load of dishes or clothes in for you!<\/em> Kim P.<\/li>\n<li><em>Accept help. All of the help.<\/em> Brea L.<\/li>\n<li><em>No one and I repeat no one has it all together. No matter how good they make it look. We are all winging it and when all else fails just add water. My mom told me that with my first 15 years ago and she was right. It&#8217;s amazing what a bath can do for a crazy situation.<\/em> Ashley H.<\/li>\n<li><em>You will know your baby better than anybody, trust yourself and your instincts. There is no \u201cright\u201d way to parent, only the way which feels the most in alignment with your deepest self. Trust that, it\u2019s so hard because so many people will have opinions about how you \u201cshould\u201d do it. Kindly thank them and do it the way that feels right for you. As a new mom, you will be learning as much as your baby, be gentle with yourself, its harder than you can imagine. But you have everything you need to mother your child, and don\u2019t be afraid to get support. But never let that support person override your gut.<\/em> Leslie L.<\/li>\n<li><em><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\">Be gentle with yourself. Your whole world has just changed. <\/span><\/span><\/em><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\">Kara B<\/span><\/span><span dir=\"ltr\"><span class=\"_3l3x\">.<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li><em>Nobody else knows what they&#8217;re doing either.<\/em> Reilly P.<\/li>\n<li><em>The sleepless nights will end and its worth every second.<\/em> Staci Blitz<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In today&#8217;s information age, preparing for motherhood can sometimes be an overwhelming and daunting experience. It can be incredibly challenging to find\u00a0 unbiased information for many topics related to pregnancy, birth, infant care, and the postpartum period, and it seems like just when you think you have the answers you&#8217;re seeking, someone in your life&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1593,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"Veterans Moms Tell All | The Nurturing Root | Baltimore, MD","_seopress_titles_desc":"Veteran moms give their best advice on motherhood. 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